Am vaguely sick with the mystery illness that's swept the building. Luckily, in me, it's manifested solely in lots of stuffiness and sneezing, as opposed to the virulent flu that's knocked at least two people down for a week solid. Am drinking lots of liquids, burning through alarming amounts of tissue, and dosing self with tea, soup, etc.

Lately, in the mornings, there's been birdsong, which is happymaking. Though the term "exaltation" only properly applies to groups of larks, it still seems appropriate, and rises to mind whenever I hear their voices, because that's really what it is: an exaltation of the coming spring. Underneath all the hue and cry, and regardless of all the obstacles, there is still birdsong, which will probably exist long after we do. I find this comforting.

Got rid of a lot of stuff last night while rocking out to Pandora "bright." You can actually see the dining room table now, and I feel lighter. Am still awfully overwhelmed by the mess, but I figure, these tiny stabs will add up. As one of my bookmarks reminds me, it's just as foolish to cling to emptiness as it is to cling to possessions, like jumping into a fire to avoid drowning. Still, the author of that particular sentiment quite possibly never had to clear away a lot of stuff that accumulated because once upon a time s/he thought s/he was supposed to want it. Have spent far too much time trying to get with other people's programs, because the price of their love was being the way they needed/wanted me to be. As much as I would like to be loved, I can't pay that price anymore. I would rather be alone, without anyone's approval, than compromise myself further.

*sighs*

Am such a late bloomer! Or, you could argue, right on time.

There are a lot of things would like to do today, but as long as a grocery trip happens, the rest of it is optional. Would really like to start a batch of mom's spaghetti sauce, but the kitchen is an absolute wreck, and there's no point in wrecking it further until it's under control. Would also like to try making Grandma Nancy's nut roll, but, see above. And, of course, there's the bathroom floor. When I was a little girl, my mom was very ill. Dad worked three jobs, so housecleaning fell to me. Between the ages of five and ten, I scrubbed more floors than I care to remember, and so I am loathe to do it now. Am seriously thinking about hiring somebody to clean my house, except that would feel like a bourgeois, exploitative, capitalist shmuck.

*ponders*

Ugh, just deleted a long, broody paragraph. Am thinking a good chunk of day should be spent on shameless self-indulgence, too.



Ah, but it's fascinating, too! The history of warfare, expressed as a food fight:



There's even a cheat sheet, in case you don't get the culinary symbolism. If you make it that far into the clip, there's something quite the disturbing about 9/11 depicted as the smooshing of a ginormous stack of burgers.

*fascinated-repelled*

On the local front, animal cruelty. Would like to believe that there was no malice here, that the woman was just a hoarder who slipped over the line of what she could handle. Still, aargh.

*headdesk*

Would like to organize a donation drive for the animal shelter nearest my house; their latest newsletter just came, with the list of frequently needed supplies. Must talk to the co-worker who does a similar thing for the organization he cares about, and ask him how he did it.

*ponders*



On a somewhat related, yet more philosophical front, new sins on the block. Paired with this analysis, the whole kerfuffle is, indeed, intriguing, because it raises the argument of whether it's more important to classify and organize offenses than it is to rectify them. One would imagine that one's answer lies in whether one is more interested in punishing "sin" (however one defines it, and I realize that's a sticky wicket its ownself) or helping "sinners" grow.

Usually, people on the side of hardcore punishments cite the most extreme examples: murderers, rapists, pedophiles. In my mind, this is sort of like ignoring your garden until the weeds have completely strangled the sunflowers. We have to grapple with the question of what to do with serious offenses because we really didn't pay attention to the little ones.

I mean, come on: people fuck up, all the darned time. What's the best way to deal with that? Nip it in the bud, kindly, firmly, where it starts? Or let it mushroom out until it's ginormous? Am just asking. My ownself, would rather tend to things when they are small.

You could argue that this doesn't help us now, not in the kind of world we live in. Which brings me back to housecleaning: no matter how big the mess is, every little step in the right direction is helpful. One of my colleagues subscribes to the theory that everybody is doing the best they can at any particular moment, and am inclined to agree with her. It would be nice to live in a culture where people respected each other enough to cut slack, but still draw attention to hurtful actions in a firmly kind way.

Am just rambling. Thoughts?

Have reached a new low in coffee addiction: am out of cream, and drinking coffee black...and liking it. This bodes not well. Do, however, reserve the right to find it amusing. And could probably save a small fortune on cream as well. Hm.

That is tiredly, yet amusedly, all.